Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
