i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
