Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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