in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
