He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
