Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
