new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
