Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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