You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that's an acceptable place to lick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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