I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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