apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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