we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
