Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
