...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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