we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
