come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
