Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
