My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
