I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
