Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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