I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
