Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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