I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
