I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
