Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You are the jesus of drinking
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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