i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
