i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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