I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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