i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
