I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize