You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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