Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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