Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
