just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
