i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
