Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
