I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
