it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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