Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
