Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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