Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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