Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Randomize
