You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
