I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
