Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
