yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
