i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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