Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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