But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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