shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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