I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have aggressive nipples.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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