those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
