hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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