It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
