i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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