I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
