he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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