I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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