I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize