Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
