my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
