i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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