ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
