I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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