Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
