I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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