i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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