is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
