I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
