my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
