He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
