he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
