I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
