i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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