i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
