I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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