onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
