This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
