If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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