Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
