No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
