yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
