I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
