This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
