i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
