My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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