im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
