carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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